273. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 85. 89. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 245. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 177. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. - Unknown. 194. 5. George Burns, 253. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. It doesnt work if it is not open. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. 212. 8. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. If only common sense were more common. Wonderwoman: single. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 199. Not me, but somebody does. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate I am my childs greatest comfort. 188. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 131. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 79. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Its called tomorrow. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Theres no stopping me now. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? Looking for positive funny affirmations? 143. 136. Edward A. Murphy 238. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Send me the link. Erma Bombeck Sam Levenson My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 228. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. I get up, dress up, and show up. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. 163. - Roy T. Bennett. Never let anyone waste your time twice. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Have a look! Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. And a funny bone. 30. What is Mozart doing right now? Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. Steven Alexander Wright. You can't wait for inspiration. 161. 261. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 268. 254. Steve Martin 196. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". My chins are a stairway to heaven. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours.
70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free 258. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 4. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 145. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 17. - Bette Midler. Its okay, he woke up. 226. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. It has nothing new to tell you. 120. Dave Barry. Because he was always spotted. 1. Sincerely, the floor. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 28. 105. 214. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 146. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Let me know in the comments section down below! I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 13. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 195. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Flip Wilson, 263. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . I love living in my unique female body. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. You can only be young once. It gets toad away. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. 1. 35. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. I dont want to fix my spending habits. You deserve it! 219. Benjamin Franklin. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind.
Funny Affirmation - Etsy 22. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 203. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Nothing, they just waved. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 34. 274. I am awesome. I will go out. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 251. I dont care! 179. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. - Benjamin Franklin. 211. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 207. 151. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 69. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I make the right choices every time. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 7. Frances McDormand, 42. Alison Boulter. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 229. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 86. I see food, and I eat it. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 276. 150. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human 148. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. The only power you have is the word no. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 63. 6. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". I am grateful for that time. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. My jokes do. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. East 272. Honolulu, its got everything. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Not everyone has good taste. Can February march? 161. 26. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. 94. You try again, but no sound is coming out. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Short Funny Quotes. 36. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Effective pushing often involves poop. 227. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. 25. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 107. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Ive been doing nothing for years. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. P.D. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 2. Roy Lichtenstein My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. I breathe in and out. 117. Bill Murray, 251. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Be careful when you follow the masses. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 9. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 1.
If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Robert Bloch. 272.
65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 3. Bill Murray 61. Ken Dodd, 255. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. 217. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 195. Yeah, so is a grenade. 232. Required fields are marked *. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 168. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. 3. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 8. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 12. Life always offers you a second chance. A mind is like a parachute. 156. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. 1.
Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Because it was soda pressing. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Friends buy you food. 116. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 68. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. 96. Lily Tomlin, 242. I try to see the funny side of every situation. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 101. 72. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I understand success cant happen overnight. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. I breathe in and out. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Today, I am thankful for this week. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 226. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops.
Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 43. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Helen Giangregorio 8. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Cry a river. 198. Chris Rock, 256. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. With a cowculator. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know 66. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. A wishbone. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Don't forget to be awesome. 65. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Its okay if people dont like me. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Charles M. Schulz How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 30. Stuart Turner, 247. Good morning! They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. It will just flow naturally. Albert Einstein I enjoy every minute of it. I am intelligent. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it.
Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc Today is a great day. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 38. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Albert King 7. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 153. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 5. Laughter brings me closer to people. 26. I thought you said extra fries. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 137. 255. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.
40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle 171. 68. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 209. 1. If only common sense were more common. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. I feel great. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. It takes so little to change your life! Im describing you. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Short Funny Affirmations. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Frances McDormand The thing is, Im still getting ready. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 165. 150. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. A wishbone. Jonathan lockwood huie. It just plain forms. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 75. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 3. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else.
The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 54. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 210. 1. 143. It makes them so damned mad. Positive mindset affirmations. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. So far, so good. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 64. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 54. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I am lazy till I get a motive. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 65. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 172. 27. 275. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Things are getting better all the time. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 7. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. It just plain forms. Gary Delaney, 248. 98. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. "Have a great Wednesday. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. You were too lazy to read that number. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 178. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. With a cowculator. 119. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 5. Your email address will not be published. Flip Wilson To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Life begins on Friday night. 175. 163. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Good morning! Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.
100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness 62. Description for this block. 159. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. "I receive what I believe.". No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 180. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Ive got three bones. But then again so does . 71. But sometimes affirmations may not work. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 100. Groucho Marx. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. What is Mozart doing right now? 277.
90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter 26. Effective pushing often involves poop. 235. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. I thought you said extra fries. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Walter Bagehot. 97. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 97. 7. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 3. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Keep your affirmations in the present. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 239. 230. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 2. 55. Love your enemies. 115. I just go normal from time to time. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 276. 9. Not everyone has good taste., 3. He who laughs last didnt get it. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 187. Robert Bloch