These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Did you make it all by yourself? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Nothing, she said. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. [Answered]. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Now he likes peanuts.. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. 11. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. The tenant shook her head. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. . What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. The INFANTry! Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. You can see why: 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. 50. 3. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. 5. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. March forth! I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 27. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Even his son turned up. Co-Pilot: What?!. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). 39. OHH OHOH! A drill serGENTLEMEN! I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Later, I spoke with Mom. I was the tallest guy in line. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. He nodded. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. 46. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. R-i-i-ing!) Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog 42. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Killed bin Laden. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Takeoffs are optional. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. with someone braver than you.'. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Military jokes! Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Its not weak, he replied. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. In-dough-structible The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Me: No. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl 16. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. What are you doing? I asked. But yours is.. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. They throw out a pistol. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends 2. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Did it work? The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. 14. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. (pointing at the sky). How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? 41. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? 37. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout It was sheer brilliance. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Me: Hello? Why? I asked. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Theyre U.S. AF! This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Eternal Piece Aviation jokes | Key Aero Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Rodrigues there? Caller: Do you have his right number? One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. It was PRIVATE. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Caller: Sgt. ! Again, no reply. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. But something struck me as odd. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? If it doesnt move, pick it up. This is really good, he said. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Attention! After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Marine: Wait, stop. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. 35. How tough? While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. 29. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. SUB sandwiches! Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Caller: OK. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 28. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics We were inspecting several lots of grenades. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit.